Tattoo Day

Standard

Today is the day I get my Dove tattoo, by the time this goes up the first session will already be done… I am expecting an emotional experience this time for obvious reasons. Add to that the emotion of recent weeks and it should all come to the fore today.

I haven’t blogged anything else substantial lately because my thoughts have been about one thing. Even if I write them down, it hasn’t been helping, I’ve written pages and pages of things but the more I write, the more it flows.

Most nights I sit in bed writing internal dialogue trying to find something that expresses how I’m feeling. Current writings are quite aggressive, dark in some parts but it’s mostly unresolved feelings, things I think but don’t say.

It’s not a painful feeling anymore, it’s frustration…

I talk but nobody hears. I rage and nobody cares…

I’m learning to manage my feelings better but it will take time I guess.

Advertisements

A Reminder to Myself

Standard

 

Image may contain: text

Pic from Google Image Search

 

The Wolf will succeed in the end…

Reemerging as Alpha and Pack Leader…

I was there once, I can be there again…

Keep fighting until the last breath…

The Beast is out…

 

Dark Prison

Standard

Down in the darkest depths, a Beast stirs after a long and restless hibernation. His chains rattle and clink as he rolls over a little, a familiar scent catching his attention. It was dark in the cage and his eyes stung by the lack of light.

“Can it be?” he growled quietly as his senses focused on a mysterious figure standing outside his cage, “It can’t be… My mind has played tricks on me for some time now, her smell lingers, but she’s never there. She’s gone, flown away and left me down here with just memories and these chains of love!”

Beast shook the chains at the figure in the dark, whacking his wrist cuffs on the cage bars, “See? Just cold steel… Only the warmth of love keeps me alive in here… I know she thinks of me more than she says, I can feel it. I think she comes to me when I’m sleeping, to look at me in here, imagining what might happen if she woke and released me.”

The Beast sniffed the air, trying to find the scent of his beloved Dove, roaring as if calling out to her, “Has she left me in this cage forever? Does she fear me? Find me repulsive? To these questions, I have no answers… I shall call and call to her for eternity if need be, she will feel me, where ever my Dove is, she will sense me!”

He roared out once again, louder than before, calling the one he loves from the very heart of his soul. Charging into the darkness, in the direction of the familiar scent, only to crash his massive frame into solid bars with a deafening thud, his prison was still intact, holding him there broken and bleeding, for who knows how long.

Painfully, the Beast shuffled to his knees, his ribs broken and breathing ragged, he looked up at the sky. The moon was bright and big in the night, for a moment he basked in its glow before letting out a howl so Earth shattering, even the twinkling stars shook in the blackness.

“I need you!” he bellowed upwards, choking on his tears and blood, “I ache to be safe in your arms! Hear me, my Dove! Save me from this dark prison like you did once before! Release your Beast, tend to him, feed him, love him like I know you want to…”

Soon, the Beast’s injuries overcame him once again, and with no Dove to feed on, he slipped back into his pit of unconsciousness.

Wannabe Dominants – The Bad Kind of Pain in the Ass

Standard

I usually avoid talking about this subject because I don’t want the usual backlash from people saying, “What makes you different?”

I say now, I don’t claim to be the perfect Dominant, I make mistakes more often than I probably should admit but one thing is always constant – As long as my sub is happy, then I am too.

In my opinion, it is MY duty as a Dominant to make sure that my submissive has all the advice, guidance and nurturing to enable her to be the best person she can possibly be.

Most Wannabe’s (or at least the many that I’ve come across) have little to no interest in the submissive past the curves of her body. They expect to pull on the proverbial leash and be unquestionably pandered to, served in all ways. Once that’s done, instead of all the great aftercare bonding (my favorite part by the way) the submissive is usually just expected to get on as normal and take care of themselves until the next time.

I saw this first hand when I met Baby, she was with the biggest fake (in my opinion, hope she doesn’t kill me for this!) ‘Daddy’ I had encountered up to then. Of course when I approached the subject, I got the usual “It wasn’t always like that.” which is true because if it was, these jackasses wouldn’t get so much as the time of day.

See, I’ve said before that when I met Baby, she thought I was just another creep trying to get creepy. But I could see there was pain coming from somewhere, she was emotionally beaten down and had zero self esteem.

So I kept going back to see her everyday, because I wanted to know how a cute girl was alone and unhappy but claimed she had a Daddy.

Then I met the jerk and saw some of the things he said to her….

No further explanation needed!

Basically, it was mostly about what he NEEDED or what he WANTED.

I remember the day she said she had been talking to me and he probably would of handed her to me directly had I been there. Didn’t seem to care one bit how invested emotionally she was.

And that’s what Wannabes do, use those emotions to bleed a sub dry for their sick pleasure, to hell with the consequences because they’re not the one’s who deal with the broken pieces. They’re usually long gone by then….on to the next toy.

They take so much that only the shell of a sub remains. For me as a Dominant, it was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s the REAL Dominants that come and breath life back into that shell then take care of it like it’s the most precious jewel in the world.

[Takes a moment to collect my thoughts]

Although Baby lives on the other side of the world, I feel more tangible things are in our future, there has to be because the Baby you see today wouldn’t exist without a piece of my heart.

You might get hurt, but there’s always someone a few steps behind who wants to repair and love you…

Baby and I, my good friends Cinn and Hunter to name a few….

NEVER LOSE HOPE X

Image from Google Search

All is good…WILL be better!

Standard

I haven’t written anything here in a while, mostly because I haven’t had anything worthy of sharing. But today, I’d like to say that I have created a Facebook specifically for my online friends, many of whom have already joined me there (Thank You!!!).

In other news, I am again deciding if it’s possible to move home without compromising my independence, FYI, it’s not as easy as it sounds. But as with many things in my life, I believe I will eventually overcome any obstacle and succeed. It’s all a matter of time.

I’ve tried to just deal with all the crazy stuff that happens here, but it’s exhausting and at the end of the day, I shouldn’t have to feel bad in my home, right?

Still no news on my four legged companion, although they did send me a courtesy letter basically saying they were getting through the waiting list as fast as possible.

I also spent money on myself, which I rarely do. I bought myself an Xbox One, which I will only use once in a blue moon when online with my brother.

Then, there is my darling Baby, my brat. My Little Dove, she speaks for herself, no doubt she will comment on this.

All in all, everything is good and working to be better.

Found this on another post on FB, Baby and I really liked it…

Meanwhile, in Beast’s Cave – Prison Break

Standard

In the dark, a small shuffle can be heard as a well-fed Beast can be heard scrawling a not to his pet:

For an age, I have been hungry and unsatisfied,

Then you, one day, flew into my world and unlike all the others, you didn’t hide.

Brave and bold, you bounded towards me, a curious look upon your face.

“So you are Beast, all locked up and caged, shall I let you out so you can feast?”

“Are you mad? For someone as small as you, freeing me would be very bad!”

But before I knew what was unfolding, you had unlocked my prison and offered me your hand, “Do not worry, I offered it for holding….”

“Oh no… This is very dangerous, you should put me back with haste…”

You smile at me wickedly as you tilt your head, baring your slender neck, “And why would I do that, when I know you want to taste…”

image from Google to illustrate my message…

The ‘Beast’ Arose!! Show Yourself, Creature!!

Standard

Usually I never think about what I write here, I tend to just let it flow out in whatever garbled and rambley way it feels right because you guys NEVER EVER judge. But today, I’m a little apprehensive.

For the simple reason, fully embracing my Sadistic side (Beast as Baby and I refer to it) has always been difficult for me. Anyone who has come into contact with Beast, for however long would say that even after a lot of goading and/or reassurance, the cage door was ever only partially opened. Mostly through fear of possible rejection, that and I crash hard after an intense scene.

Just as Baby found out this weekend…

We always ‘play’ on weekends because that’s when we are both fully available to the other. Saturdays we do a heavy scene and Sundays is more about just being together…

This past Saturday started off slow as normal and then, without going into too much detail, ramped up full throttle. And before I knew what was happening, Little Dove (Baby’s scene name), totally blew off the door to Beast’s cage and it was as if she was holding a red rag to a bull.

For the first time in a VERY long time, all my pain, anger and frustration was being released. Almost like an old, festering wound had been reopened, thoroughly cleaned and then stitched back up.

There were tears and kisses flying everywhere, every kind of D/s related head space you can imagine was reached by both of us. I think I’m still suffering from a little Dom Drop a couple of days after but almost out now.

Baby’s ‘Little’ side made her first full appearance since we have been together. You guys all experienced that with me because it was in her most recent post.

Who knows what will happen next?