Unnecessary Destruction

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The anger and pain I feel right now is overwhelming. I can’t breathe and I’m shaking from emotion.

I want to break things, scream and shout. But I won’t, I’ll internalise everything til I burst. I have to calm down before I hyperventilate.

Where’s Pup? Right beside me like always… I’m just too angry to see… Shit! I just broke my bank card because I am shaking so badly and trying to act like nothing is wrong!

What did I even go into the fucking store for in the first place! I just hope nobody talks to me because I’m not in any frame of mind for chitchat.

To have someone that you thought you were in a long distance relationship with tell you they’ve been seeing someone else without officially ending it with you, hurts a lot.

I don’t know why people can’t be honest. I’ve learned from this that people only need you until something better comes along. Devotion and loyalty count for nothing it seems. Out of sight, out of mind obviously.

The excuse of “it just happened ” doesn’t wash with me because I was strung along for so long, whilst you were blanking me and getting cozy with someone else.

I hung around throughout all your excuses, only to have everything I’ve been there with you for, thrown back at me. The lies were unnecessary, same as the constant blanking and ignorance.

Then you try to make me end things because you wanted an easy way out. You could’ve just told me…

But no…

You had to disrespect me after everything I’ve done for you, breaking me down until I’m questioning everything about my life. Now I feel worthless and broken.

Did I really deserve that?

Was it necessary?

Are you happy?

I brought this on myself though, I gave you a second chance and this time you do me worse than before.

I’m a fucking idiot but I damn well deserve better than what you did.

No I haven’t slept and it’s 4 30 am. You have destroyed me when there was no need whatsoever.

I hope you’re happy…

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We have news!!

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Hey guys!!

Just wanted to let everyone know that everything is fine with me and life has been very good of late!

On Friday night, I got the call that could possibly change my life even further. The service dog charity want me to go and meet a possible match! I cannot tell you how happy it made me! My heart stopped for a few seconds when I was on the phone…

I don’t know anything about the dog yet as they don’t tell you anything until you meet incase you don’t fit. As soon as I know more, you guys will.

Baby is still my cheerleader and never more than a step behind in everything that goes on in my life. She pops up here occasionally, as you’ve seen recently, without my prompting these days. I have recently realised that my little Lioness would take on anyone in defence of her Daddy. I love her more everyday and they say, “behind every strong man there’s a stronger woman” I believe that now…

Because I would be far less than what I am today without her support and encouragement. I think you guys see the love she has for me too…

I love all of my WP friends too, thank you all for all the support you have given me.

Take My Hand, Never Let Go

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I wanted to write a post about Baby today, so I went to Tumblr to seek inspiration and I wasn’t disappointed. The following quote describes my feelings at the moment to a tee….

Thanks to Tumblr

I do have a lot of flaws compared to most, but I keep going day by day, living life as best I can and will continue you to do so.

But now, my heart resides with Baby, whether she will feel the same is down to her, but I know how I feel. I am crazy about her, she popped into my life just when I needed someone. Took my hand and showed me it’s okay to love, to trust again.

Now I can’t let go…..