You know the history of my family and me, there was never any love there. All my life, I’ve never bothered that much about being in a relationship, it wasn’t important. I just did it because it was the done thing.
When I did get into a relationship, they were over as quickly as they began because I never put any effort into them. Not after High School, when the teacher saw that I needed help taking notes he put me with, who everybody considered to be the hottest girl in our year group.
She wasn’t very happy about it at all at first, it wasn’t cool to be put next to the disabled kid. That was until she realised I was quite smart and articulate, then I did the brain work for both of us. I may have told you this before but after some time we started a half-baked relationship where it would only continue if I didn’t tell anyone. One day, she said that I “would have to make do” with having relationships like this because no girl would want a guy like me because I couldn’t support or protect them.
After that, I saw little point in even trying with girls. I suffered (still do) from not liking how I looked and being very self-conscious. I change my hairstyle and colour constantly, grow a beard then shave it off again. I’m never happy because no matter what I do, I know ultimately, the chair will still be there. Most people make assumptions about me without so much as a word being shared.
This depresses me beyond belief at times.
But then a friend of mine, who has now passed, said to me one night in our college room, “We may not be the most physical, the most good-looking, we will likely never be wealthy but friend, our hearts are big and we love truly because we’ve been through it all in our short lives. We’ve seen and done things that most people couldn’t begin to imagine.”
“Is love on its own enough though?” I asked
He laughed and hugged me.
“Wars have been fought for love more times in history than anything else, whether its the love of a woman, object or idea. It’s all love in the end, just in different variations. People say they want wealth and power, even you and I but they are fleeting things. Many of those types are very unhappy, yet they have everything money can buy, except the one thing they can’t get with stacks of dough, fake tan or muscles. Love stays too… if you touch someone’s heart, people remember it far more than a touch on the hand or a kiss. We can do that bro… that’s why love can not only be enough, it can be everything.
Long after the guys who are all flash and no substance are all gone because things got hard or life’s responsibilities are too much for their chiselled shoulders, guys like us will come in and do the job right.”
Those who say love isn’t enough haven’t truly found it yet…
I miss you, my friend.