After feeling like things were different and off in our relationship, Baby talked to me finally and told me that she wasn’t feeling the same about me anymore and I got the “I just didn’t know how to say it to you” line. Personally, I just think that’s a crock of shit.
The crux of it probably had something to do with the distance between us and, whether she wants to admit it or not, she probably had a realization about being with someone in my position. Admittedly, that may just be my mind thinking the worst because I’m upset and hurting, but it’s plausible, I have to say. Also, I believe she got bored of the fantasy of it all. I knew she would eventually, they all do before ever giving me a chance to prove there is more on offer if they would just give me an opportunity.
She hasn’t felt the same in a while apparently and hadn’t thought to communicate this to me. Letting me believe everything was okay, that she was just working and had very little time for a relationship.
Now, in my head alarm bells were sounding right then but my heart wanted to believe she loved me as much as I did her. I was worried, but I thought we had such a good connection, she’d come to me right away and honestly tell me how she was feeling. Looking back on it, I can see other signs that I stupidly ignored and equally that she often played down.
I suppose what hurts the most is that I let down ALL my emotional guards, that I’d built up over the years of rejection and feeling unworthy. If I were to use a Star Trek metaphor, I had given her access to Main Engineering. And she not only took weapons and shields offline, but she also removed them completely before leaving me adrift to rebuild everything from scratch, kind of like Janeway did with Voyager when they got shot off into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker Array.
But luckily, I have my good First Officer, Pup beside me, to help me rally the crew and continue to go boldly on and explore strange new worlds. Security will be heightened tenfold of course.
A lot of WP friends did try and make me see the light on some occasions, but I was too love drunk to believe them. I should no better than not to take heed of them because they’ve always had my back and given me every support.
In the end, though, despite all the great times we shared, etc. She turned out to be just like all the rest before her; I was useful until I’d put her back together and she was well enough to continue.
Lesson learned? If something seems too good to be true, it usually is.
From now on, if I am to refer to her, she will be known as Dove, as she is no longer Baby. The posts from and about her will be kept to serve as a reminder of our time together.
Lastly, Dove, I write this to you directly, which I doubt you will read now but it needs to be said.
I was devoted to you and would have given you everything, but instead, you have chosen to take another path alone and I wish you well on it. Friendship is always available to you; you know where Pup and I are, but for now, I’ll leave you with these words,
You’ll find it hard to find a love like mine…
*tosses you the key to my collar before departing*
((Meme was just for LOLS))