Lost Dove

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Most people may think I’m stupid for being hung up on Baby after all this time. After all, our contact has dropped to nothing over the last few weeks.

Her life has completely taken over, for one reason or another. I just don’t fit in anywhere anymore. I still message her every now and then to say I’m thinking of her and hope everything is well, I don’t get a response from her that much though.

On the rare occasion that she does respond however, she tells me that everything is fine between us. It isn’t obviously, because if you really want to communicate with someone, you find a way no matter what. And I’ve felt for a while that she was putting more and more distance between us as time passed. She closed down emotionally and shut me out, going from being completely open about most things.

Stress does things to people and I know she’s been pretty much buried in it lately. Partly, I think she has cut me out of things because I am causing her more stress, whether she wants to admit it or not. When in fact, all I want to do is be there for her and love her.

The longer this has been going on, the more pressure has been piled on, causing her to retreat further and get more and more depressed about her situation. I’ve lost the connection with her, that at one time, kept us both afloat. We are adrift at the moment, she’s off flying erratically with nobody to catch her and keep her on course. And me, the ever devoted Dove Keeper, left hoping she finds her way home before it’s too late.

For both of us…

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It’s All On The Road Ahead

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I haven’t written on this journal for so long, so I figured I’d write something just so my WP Friends knew I was alive and doing well.

Why haven’t I written here in a long time?

Because I started this blog as a way of venting and coping with my frustrations, sexually and otherwise. It was also an attempt at dealing with my limitations and at reaching out to meet new friends with the hope of finding more.

I did all that…

It was this blog, a year or so ago in August, that helped me win the heart of who I consider the love of my life, regardless of what the future may hold for us.

It was this blog, that helped me make some truly amazing friends, many of whom have supported me through some of the lowest and highest points in my life.

Over the last few months or so, I have been contemplating what the future may hold for me. And for once, I am seeing the first summit of happiness on the Great Mountain that is my life. Right new, it’s still very distant and kinda blurry, but I can make out the outline and a faint road that leads me to it.

And in my radio, cheering me on as I climb, I now have a team mate, who’s proven she is willing to stand with me no matter what. And with a bit of luck, Baby and I will reach our goal, the cabin on top of the Mountain.

Then I can sit her in my lap and wheel her over the threshold and live happily ever after.

That’s the goal at least…

PS. found the picture on Facebook and liked it

Happy on Christmas Day? Surely Not!

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First off, let me say I hope all my friends had a great time yesterday and got everything they wanted.

After such a great Christmas Day yesterday, I was on such a high and in a very good place. It was a tough day for Baby, I supported her as best I could from across the pond. I was expecting major ‘Little Dove’ mode when she got back to her place.

It’s the headspace she goes to when she is stressed and basically when my softer, gentler Daddy side just won’t cut it.

Beast (my Sadistic side) is the only one capable of handling Dove and releasing whatever is bothering her. But, fortunately she was fine and just needed my reassurance and fussing.

Then, as we were both dozing off, she says, “Could you please hand me my colouring book, please Daddy?”

We were now in ‘Little’ mode, for only the second time since we’ve been together. This was enough to tell me that she felt safe.

It shocks me a little every time the ‘Little’ appears,  I panicked the first time because it took a lot to rebuild her after what happened before we met.

Now, it’s the most beautiful thing I witness, because it is verification that she is benefitting from being with me. And, as you guys know, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Meanwhile, in Beast’s Cave – Prison Break

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In the dark, a small shuffle can be heard as a well-fed Beast can be heard scrawling a not to his pet:

For an age, I have been hungry and unsatisfied,

Then you, one day, flew into my world and unlike all the others, you didn’t hide.

Brave and bold, you bounded towards me, a curious look upon your face.

“So you are Beast, all locked up and caged, shall I let you out so you can feast?”

“Are you mad? For someone as small as you, freeing me would be very bad!”

But before I knew what was unfolding, you had unlocked my prison and offered me your hand, “Do not worry, I offered it for holding….”

“Oh no… This is very dangerous, you should put me back with haste…”

You smile at me wickedly as you tilt your head, baring your slender neck, “And why would I do that, when I know you want to taste…”

image from Google to illustrate my message…